Building Inclusive Faith Communities: Presence, Compassion, and Belonging
Communities of faith are built around shared values and beliefs. The act of journeying together, with shared goals of improving ourselves and the world around us, creates deep bonds between members of a community. Suhba, or spiritual companionship, is an important element of faith because we rely on one another’s soul-focused, caring feedback to help us progress in our efforts to refine ourselves.
Suhba is hard, though. It requires us to be present.
It’s more efficient to pray on our own or to do things independently. When we do things together, it requires us to slow down. We notice the parts of ourselves that get irritable about not getting to make decisions on our own, or frustrated with that person who does things in a way that makes us scratch our heads and wonder why.
Being truly present is the first step toward building inclusive communities because it brings us face-to-face with ourselves and with the reality that each person in our community marches to their own drum. Their nervous systems and ours move at a different beat. Yet unity can build harmony between those beats while still allowing each person to bring their unique sound to the chorus of “ameens” we hear in prayer.
Presence and Compassion in Faith Communities
As we become more present, we begin to realize that truly inclusive community spaces require, first and foremost, a compassionate (rahmah) attitude toward one another.
It doesn’t feel good to be judged, and we can choose not to inflict that kind of pain on another person by taking a step back and seeing them through compassionate eyes. Taking that step back also shines a light on our unspoken attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and others.
We learn that we carry hierarchies, for example, the way you stand a little taller when you notice that you attend more religious programming than someone else, or the way you side-eye someone’s outfit when they show up at a community event.
Often, our communities are built around assumptions about what makes us a “good enough” Muslim, or which members should have the ability to influence the policies that get put into place. We internalize these assumptions and can find ourselves self-shaming or hiding parts of ourselves.
When presence meets compassion, we can witness one another in a way that feels loving. We open up space to reveal where we need help and where we are strong.
That is the birthplace of true community. True suhba.
What Inclusive Communities Make Possible
Some of you may have thought from the title that this post was going to jump straight into accessibility needs within our communities. Believe me, we have many of those needs, and I will talk about some of them shortly.
However, presence and compassion are the spiritual foundation of building an inclusive community. It is only by taking the time to really get to know one another, by becoming curious about another person’s way of seeing and experiencing the world, that our eyes can be opened to the needs of our fellow community members.
When we slow down and greet other members of the community after an event or worship service, bringing compassionate presence and genuine curiosity, that’s when hearts open.
We learn about the pain of loss, the struggle of sensory overload, and the need for accessible entrances. We learn about the grandmother who is lonely during the day and can’t get to social events because she lacks transportation.
We learn about the mom who used to love coming to prayer but stays home because there is no safe way to bring her autistic child.
We learn about the young person who, due to illness or sudden disability, is no longer able to stand for prayer and feels ashamed to use a chair because of the side-eyes of others.
We learn about the experiences of exclusion of African American Muslims in a majority-immigrant masjid.
We hear the pain of a woman returning to her faith for the first time in years and being called out for her outfit by a stranger.
These are not abstract accessibility or inclusion issues. They are the lived experiences of people within our communities.
As more community members feel they have the space to open up about their struggles, that is where suhba can begin. We can’t journey together unless we are actually together.
The Role of Therapy in Reconnecting With Faith
As a therapist who works with Muslim clients, as well as clients of other faith traditions, I hear so much about the disconnects that happen in faith spaces and the ways faith communities are leaving people behind or on the sidelines, often unintentionally.
My work with these individuals is to help them name the pain, identify their needs, find ways to advocate for themselves, and keep the pain of disconnection from negatively impacting their values.
Sometimes this requires deeply spiritual conversations. The community-built hierarchies people have internalized can become barriers to their connection with their faith. For those who wish to, reclaiming their own relationship with their faith tradition can be deeply liberating.
These clients often find themselves more courageous and clear about what they need, and better able to advocate for change within their communities.
Questions for Building More Inclusive Communities
It’s hard to summarize such a diverse range of needs into recommendations in this short-form medium, so instead, I’ll offer you some questions to explore.
I encourage people who wish to build more inclusive communities to think about and ask:
Who is showing up to our events, and who isn’t?
What characteristics are common among the people who are showing up?Think about all dimensions of human experience. Are they able-bodied? Are they from a particular social class or ethnic background? Are they a particular age?
For people who are different from the norm of your group, how are they treated when they come?
What can we learn by being genuinely curious about someone whose experience is different from our own?
What brought you here?
How do you feel when you are here?
What are your interests?
Have you experienced any barriers to getting involved?
Sometimes we can learn a lot simply by being with rather than asking about.
For example, why not fall in step with someone who is elderly or disabled and simply walk with them through a community event? What barriers do you notice they experience?
Do you notice people avoiding them? Glossing over their contributions? Is the door at the top of the ramp locked? How does the person handle that situation? How does it affect their motivation to keep showing up in the face of that locked door?
These moments can reveal things that policies and surveys sometimes cannot.
Inclusion Requires Action
Building inclusive faith communities takes more than good intentions. It takes presence, compassion, and then determination to take responsibility for unlocking the doors that keep people out of our community spaces.
But the next time you open one of those doors, take a minute, with that same presence and compassion, to notice the light you have lit in another person’s eyes simply by welcoming them in.
That is how community grows.
That is how suhba becomes possible.
And that is how we create spaces where more people can truly belong.
You Don't Have to Navigate Disconnection Alone
Feeling disconnected from a faith community can be painful, especially when your faith is an important part of who you are.
At Wellness Through Counseling, we recognize that questions about belonging, identity, faith, culture, relationships, and community can be deeply personal. Our therapists work collaboratively with clients to create a space where you can explore those experiences with curiosity and compassion, without judgment.
If you've experienced exclusion, struggled to advocate for your needs, or found yourself questioning how to stay connected to your faith while navigating difficult experiences within a community, therapy can offer a place to slow down, make sense of what you've experienced, and reconnect with what matters to you.
You don't have to have everything figured out before reaching out.
If you’re ready to explore whether therapy could support you, visit our Get Started page. You can choose the option that feels most comfortable, whether that’s scheduling a free 15-minute phone consultation with one of our Client Care Coordinators or completing our online inquiry form. We’ll learn more about what you’re looking for and help connect you with a therapist who can support you along the way.
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