
As a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of working with many individuals seeking a path to healing. Many clients hesitate at the beginning of therapy and are nervous, defensive, or reluctant to dive into difficult memories. This was evident in my first session with a client whom I’ll refer to as Aisha.
Aisha sat across from me, visibly anxious. Her arms were crossed, shoulders slightly hunched, and she avoided eye contact as she scanned the room. When I asked, “What are you hoping to get out of therapy?” she hesitated as though the question itself carried a heavy weight. After a long pause, she said, “I want to feel better, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
This response is more common than many realize. Often, clients express a desire for healing but are hesitant to confront painful memories, unresolved trauma, or difficult emotions. They believe that in order to heal, they must relive every detail of the past, recounting events that may feel too much to bear. However, therapy does not require you to talk about every painful detail in order to make progress.
In my practice, I have learned that it is possible to experience significant relief and healing without fully revisiting the past. While some individuals find it helpful to share certain details, therapy can also be about exploring how past experiences are impacting your present life. The key is to share just enough of the past that you can bring attention to how past experiences shape your current emotions, behaviors, and relationships.
Two of my favorite therapeutic models, Psychodrama and Internal Family Systems (IFS), focus on just that. Psychodrama encourages clients to express their emotions through body movements and gestures, allowing them to symbolize their experiences. For example, a client experiencing a lot of resistance towards reaching a goal could represent the goal and the barriers between herself and the goal using objects. We can then move towards or away from those objects and observe what feelings come up for them. I don’t need to know the details of why those feelings exist to work with them. I can provide mirroring compassion and work with them to develop ways to transform their relationship to the obstacles in their path.
On the other hand, IFS focuses on the internal parts of ourselves that have been wounded in the past. When working with clients using this method, I help them connect to their internal Self, which carries intense healing capabilities. We then reconnect wounded parts with the client’s Self. Healing happens through the Self-part relationship, not by telling the therapist the story of one’s pain.
Aisha’s uncertainty was obvious, and I knew that pushing her to talk about things she wasn’t ready to confront could do more harm than good. Instead of pressuring her, I acknowledged her feelings and provided space for her to express herself in her own time. I gently said, “I understand, Aisha. It’s brave of you to be here, and I want to support you in a way that feels right for you.”
She looked relieved and began to relax as we explored her expectations of therapy. Aisha was surprised to learn that therapy didn’t require her to recount every painful detail of her experiences in order to heal. She was quickly able to identify how some aspects of her past were showing up in her life today and later described what it would be like if she could find ways to cope, heal, and move toward thriving.
If you’re considering therapy but, like Aisha, are feeling nervous, know that you are not alone. Therapy is about creating a space where you can explore your feelings, gain insights into your current struggles, and find healing at your own pace. You deserve support, and you don’t have to do it alone.
Trauma Therapy in McLean, VA
If you’re ready to take the first step towards healing but unsure where to start, we’re here to help. We understand how important it is to find the right fit when choosing a therapist, and we want to make sure you feel comfortable and supported.
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